The Attack of the Mozzarella, or Why You Should Always Buy Insurance Before Eating Delicious Things

10 Jun

In case you are wondering if the gods of Rome have a sense of humor…

…my computer may be dead right now due to an intense keyboard injection of fresh mozzarella juice.

Yes, you read that right. Now go ahead and laugh your tail off. Unless, of course, you are my mom or dad, who will read this, shake their heads with a look of despair, and say, “Oh, Jessica. Really?”

Really. It all happened with an innocent Skype conversation home. And as usual, instead of talking about my day or my feelings or their day or their feelings, I was talking about food. Lots of food. My breakfast, my lunch, my dinner — I mean, what else do you talk about when you are Skyping from Italy?

At the time of my conversation, we had already set the table with our beautiful antipasto of fresh mozzarella, cut tomatoes, and arugula. “Mmmmm,” I said into the microphone. “Mmmm?! What mmmm?!?!” replied my jealous mother. “THIS MMMMMMMM!” I exclaimed in reply.

And that’s when it happened. I brought the whole platter over to my camera, leaned it over to allow for maximum viewing, and…Splat. Mozzarella juice. Cheese whey. On my keyboard.

At first, it didn’t do anything except my make mom’s envious expression get a bit more pronounced. But slowly, over the next hour, as I attempted to type, something seemed very, very wrong.

The letter “o” turned into “oi.” The letter “d” made “dhe.” And the letters “y,” “c,” “b,” and “h” ceased to exist at all. “AHHHHHHHjgtleuiydouygbchxjgs!!!!!!*^%^&^&%!!!!!!” I yelled to my apartment. Which, roughly translated, means, “I CANT BREATHE MY COMPUTER IS BROKEN MY LIFE IS OVER THE WORLD HAS ENDED APOCALYPSE APOCALYPSE waaaaahhhh (explosion of tears)”

Which brings me to tonight, almost 24 hours later. My computer is sitting upside down in the guys’ apartment with the keyboard thoroughly dismantled (“WHOA!” they yelled when they first removed the keys. “It smells so much like mozzarella in your computer!” In lieu of responding, I banged my head against the wall several times.) They tell me it might survive, but fortunately the data on my hard drive will be recoverable no matter what, if not the functionality of the full computer. And even MORE fortunately, I purchased personal property insurance before leaving for Italy, so even if it doesn’t revive, I can get a computer replaced with minimal difficulty.

So here is my advice for anyone else traveling: BUY PERSONAL PROPERTY INSURANCE AHEAD OF TIME. I used Haylor (, the college students program, which is the one Yale recommends), but there are several with good plans that extend their coverage worldwide. Because of this, even though I didn’t think I’d have to use it this early, I am covered under accidents, drops, theft, etc, etc. And depending on how this whole cheese episode turns out, I think I will feel very grateful indeed to have purchased it.

Our home-cooked dinner of pasta with zucchini and mussels. Don't believe the innocent expression on the mozzarella's face in the upper left. That is a dangerous - I repeat, armed and dangerous - criminal you are looking at.

P.S. More posts to come in the future whenever I regain regular computer access. I have lots of other things to update about and have been writing in my journal even when I haven’t had time to post, so I’m hoping to catch up with the blog this weekend. Until then, I’m crossing my fingers that this will all be fixed when I wake up in the morning – after all, where there’s a will…there’s a “whey.”


4 Responses to “The Attack of the Mozzarella, or Why You Should Always Buy Insurance Before Eating Delicious Things”

  1. Chloe June 11, 2010 at 4:44 am #

    whenever you spill liquid on electronics, let them sit in a bowl of rice for 24 hours! it works, I swear! now the hard part is…finding rice in italia…NOT

  2. Chloe June 11, 2010 at 4:45 am #

    just to clarify, I meant uncooked rice…

    • ayw3 June 11, 2010 at 1:31 pm #

      So this one time at work I spilled water all over the keyboard and the same thing happened. So I switched keyboard with some other person’s keyboard, and voila! It was no longer my problem.

  3. Helene Joffe June 12, 2010 at 2:46 am #

    That was a pretty cheesy posting. I loved it.
    Love you. Grandma

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